


Kneel Before Me, Please?

by danceswithgary



Category: Smallville
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Humor, M/M, Podfic, Podfic Available
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-21
Updated: 2006-10-21
Packaged: 2017-10-04 00:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/danceswithgary/pseuds/danceswithgary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it just doesn't come naturally. OverlordSlave!Lex challenge at <a>absolut_lex</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Kneel Before Me, Please?

**Author's Note:**

> Podfic at: <http://www.audiofic.jinjurly.com/kneel-before-me-please>

"Kneel before General Zod, earthspawn!"

 

"Zod? You've got to be kidding, right? All the frightening names you possibly invent and you come up with Zod? Oooh, I'm so scared, please don't hurt me General Clod...I mean Zod."

 

"Lex, I have a ball gag and I'm not afraid to use it."

 

"I'm sorry, I'll be good. Try again."

 

"Kneel before me, earthspawn!"

 

"Yes, Master."

 

"C'mon Lex, you have to stop laughing. How can we play evil alien overlord and slave if you can't even act like you're afraid of me!"

 

"Clark, it's hard to believe anyone who's wearing that outfit is anything but colorblind, although I suppose wearing your shirt inside out could mean you're so alien you don't understand how clothing works. I guess I'm lucky you left the plaid at home."

 

"I turned it inside out on purpose. I didn't think a yellow t-shirt saying 'Property of Smallville Athletic Department' was going to work in an evil costume. I'll just rip it off instead, okay?"

 

"Well, I'm certainly not going to argue with the half-naked muscles on top of muscles warrior look, although I still think the red satin cape is a little too gay."

 

"Hey, you're the one who lent me this cape for Halloween. I just turned it inside out so it shows red lining instead of black. I wanted to look like an overlord, not a vampire."

 

"Inside out again. I stand by my previous comment about knowing how clothing works. I suppose it's reasonable to expect that 'What Not to Wear' isn't a popular show in outer space."

 

"Fine, the cape's gone. Anything else?"

 

"Not at all, I'm enjoying the view. If all evil alien overlords looked like you, I don't think you'd have any trouble getting volunteers for bathing you, feeding you peeled grapes, keeping your bed warm. Slavery would be optional."

 

"Lex, aren't you supposed to be acting frightened and not looking quite so 'happy to see me'? That loincloth really isn't hiding much."

 

"Oooh, big, scary, evil _Zod_ will torture the helpless slave boy. Help me."

 

"Remember the ball gag?"

 

"Okay, I'll be good, Clark...I mean, Master."

 

"Kneel before me, earthspawn."

 

"Clark..."

 

"Now what!"

 

"Where are we?"

 

"In the dungeon of the castle."

 

"And where am I exactly?"

 

"Chained naked to the wall. Well, almost naked, you've got that very sexy loincloth on. What is that supposed to be anyway, Fredericks of Hollywood does Spartacus?

 

"Focus, Clark. If I'm chained to the wall, how am I supposed to kneel?"

 

"Oh, for crying... Tremble before me, earthspawn!"

 

"Okay, that works. Yes, oh powerful and mighty Master, I bow my head before you."

 

"You have been a disobedient and insolent slave and must pay the consequences. You have dared raise your eyes to my magnificence."

 

"Please forgive me. I did not mean to, Master, but I could not resist."

 

"The penalty is ten lashes...and _then_ you'll kneel before me."

 

"Nice eyebrow work. You've really got the frowning to leering transition..."

 

"Lex!"

 

"Sorry. Oh Master, not the whip! I beg you, please forgive me, I'll never disobey again!"

 

"You insolent earthlings must learn who your new overlord is! Take that!"

 

"Aaah! God, the pain, please no more, I can't stand the pain!"

 

"Lex, are you okay, did I hit you too hard?"

 

"Clark, you do remember there's a safe word, right?"

 

"Yeah, deoxyribonucleic, but I'm not really sure that's a good choice, Lex."

 

"Why?"

 

"It's kind of long and complicated and I'm afraid that if you really need to use it you might not be able to say it all or I won't understand you and I'll end up..."

 

"Fine, make it turnip."

 

"Turnip? Are you trying to say something here, Lex? Some sort of farmboy insult because I thought maybe your 8-syllable safe word wasn't the optimal choice?"

 

"If the shoe fits..."

 

"That's it, I'm using the ball gag!"

 

"Clark, if you're worried about my using a safe word, won't using the ball gag make it impossible?"

 

"You're driving me insane, Lex. Remind me again why we're doing this?"

 

"Because it's supposed to add a little fun to our sex life."

 

"What exactly was wrong with our sex life that you needed to add 'a little fun'?

 

"Nothing...nothing, Clark you're the best, really. I just thought we could take advantage of the fact that I live in a castle with a dungeon. Maybe, try to act out one of my fantasies...does that bother you?"

 

"No, it doesn't bother me, Lex. I want to make all your fantasies come true. It's just..."

 

"Clark, it'll be fine. We just need to get deeper into the roles. Let's try again."

 

"I don't know. Alright, I'll try to calm down and clear my head. Counting to ten now...1...2...3..."

 

"I'm sorry, Master. I've angered you. Won't you please finish my punishment so I can kneel before you? I'd really like to kneel before you and do whatever you want, Master. Please?"

 

"8...9...10...taking a deep breath now. Safe word is _turnip_. Slave, because you have rudely interrupted me, I will begin again. One! Two!"

 

"Master, I'm not really feeling punished here. Could you maybe try hitting just a little bit harder?"

 

"Oh my God, Lex! If an evil alien overlord did come to Earth to enslave it, you'd just aggravate him until he either killed you or left to find someplace else easier to conquer just to avoid the ulcers!"

 

"Your point being?"

 

"That's it, I give up. Lex, this just isn't working. You're never going to act like a slave to my evil alien overlord, are you?"

 

"Clark, it's not your fault. You're the sweetest alien in the world and evil overlording just doesn't come naturally to you."

 

"I'm the only alien in the world, Lex."

 

"I think some people in Roswell might argue about that, Clark. I think it was a little foolish on my part to think I could play a slave, too. Maybe we should just stick to fantasy role-playing that fits our characters a little better. I know, let's play 'The Perverted Millionaire and The Innocent Farmboy'."

 

"OK, but I want to play the millionaire."

 

"Ummm..."


End file.
